After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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