Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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