i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
