So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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