If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
