I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
