When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just invented taco cereal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
