Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
