i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
