what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
