It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
