Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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