Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
