Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
