just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
