Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
