So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
