Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
