tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
