So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I believe in your delicious
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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