it was like his penis was on wheels.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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