Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
