i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
