Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's blow job season.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
