You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
