He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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