you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
