I must be too annoying 4 u.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
