Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
