It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
