When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
