I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
