I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
