dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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