she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
