Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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