every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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