More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
