We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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