Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
