I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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