I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
