Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
