You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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