I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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