Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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