Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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