how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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