In the future we'll all be gay
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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