Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
