She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We need to get me chipped asap
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
