dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
